Feeling angry or irritable after a big life change is common. It can happen when you are stressed or feel like you have lost a sense of control. Transitioning from Defence, being posted, or returning from deployment or exercise can all trigger a fight-or-flight response while you adjust. This can leave you feeling on edge, frustrated or quick to react.

What is anger and irritability?

Anger is often a stress response. It can be linked to hypervigilance, frustration or feeling overwhelmed. It may show up as snapping at people, sudden outbursts, withdrawing from situations, feeling constantly on edge, or having less patience than usual.

What can trigger anger and irritability?

• Grief and loss: Anger can be part of grief. It may come from losing a routine, identity or sense of purpose.
• Loss of control: When your usual structure changes, life can feel unpredictable. This can lead to frustration, fear or anger.
• Constant high alert: Defence life can keep you in a state of high alert. Over time, this can put stress on your mind and body.
• Frustration: Adjusting to new systems, routines or ways of living can be stressful and may trigger irritability.

Many people feel this way during times of change. It can take time to adjust, and support is available if you need it.

Ways to manage anger and irritability

In the moment

• Use breathing to reset: Breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, then breathe out for 6 to 8 seconds. Repeat up to 10 times.
• Create space: Step away from the trigger if you can. Go outside, take a walk, or come back to the conversation later.
• Ground yourself: Try splashing cold water on your face or neck, naming things you can see, noticing your feet on the ground, or tensing and releasing different muscle groups.

Longer-term support

• Reintroduce structure: A new routine, daily plan or exercise schedule can help you feel more in control.
• Stay active: Physical activity can give you an outlet for built-up emotions and support your mental health over time.
• Peer connection: Talking with friends, family or other veterans can reduce isolation and make it easier to talk about what you are going through. 

• Talk to a professional: Support from military-aware clinicians and lived experience professionals, including Open Arms, can help with managing anger, irritability and adjusting to change.  

  When to seek support

  It may be time to seek professional support if anger or irritability is starting to affect your daily life. This could include increased aggression, substance use, poor sleep, ongoing irritability, or finding it hard to cope with other life changes such as a new baby or relationship breakdown. 

  You can talk to your GP, contact Open Arms on 1800 011 046 or via the following link Open Arms for free, confidential mental health and wellbeing support including counselling, care coordination, peer support, group programs and digital health initiatives for veterans and the families of veterans.  

  Reaching out for help is not a sign of failure.