Supporting grief in children
This factsheet explains how grief can affect children, including common signs to look for, practical ways to support them, and when to seek extra help.
Helping children through loss and change
If you are supporting a child through grief, this page explains what grief can look like in children, how you can help, and when to seek extra support.
Grief is a natural response to loss.
For children, this can include:
- the death of someone important to them
- being separated from family or friends
- moving to a new home or school
- changes during or after transition from Defence
Every child experiences grief differently. There is no right or wrong way for a child to feel or respond.
With time, patience and support, children can learn to understand their feelings and find ways to cope.
Signs a child may be grieving
Children do not always show grief in the same way as adults.
You might notice:
- changes in behaviour or mood
- trouble concentrating or sleeping
- becoming more withdrawn or more reactive
- asking questions about what happened again and again
- going back to earlier behaviours, such as needing more reassurance
Some children may seem unaffected at times. This is normal. Children often move in and out of grief.
Why support can help
Grief can feel confusing or overwhelming for children, especially if they do not have the words to explain what they are feeling.
Support can help children:
- feel safe and reassured
- understand what is happening
- express their feelings in their own way
- build confidence to cope over time
For children in veteran families, grief may happen at the same time as other changes, which can make things harder.
Evidence-based supports and interventions
Research shows most grieving children are supported by safe relationships, honest information, steady routines and consistent care from the people around them. When families understand grief and respond in reassuring ways, children often cope better over time.
Some children and families may benefit from additional support, such as:
- support that helps children and caregivers understand grief and common reactions
- guidance for parents and carers on listening, reassurance, communication and family routines
- coping and emotion regulation skills that children can practise with support from trusted adults
- grief-informed counselling that helps children and families talk about the loss, remember the person and adjust over time
- trauma-focused therapy when grief is linked with traumatic events, frightening memories or strong avoidance
- group programs that help children and families feel less alone and connect with others who have had similar experiences
The right support depends on the child, family, culture and circumstances. Approaches that include caregivers and build on existing strengths and routines tend to be most effective.
Families also bring important cultural and community strengths, including beliefs, rituals and connections that help children make sense of loss. For some Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander families, connection to family, kinship, community, Country, culture and Elders plays an important role in healing.
There is no one-size-fits-all approach. Many children are supported most by feeling safe, understood and connected. Formal intervention is not always needed, and support is most helpful when it fits the child’s needs and readiness.
Ways you can support a child
Small, consistent actions can make a difference.
Be open and honest
- Use simple, age-appropriate language
- Answer questions as they come up
Listen and reassure
- Let them share what they are feeling in their own time
- Reassure them that they are safe and supported
Keep routines where you can
- Familiar routines can help children feel more stable and secure
Allow different ways of expressing feelings
- Talking, drawing, playing or spending quiet time can all help children process grief
Stay patient
- Grief can come and go, and a child’s response may change over time
When a child may need extra support
Sometimes a child’s grief may feel harder to manage, especially if it is affecting daily life.
You might notice:
- ongoing changes in behaviour or mood
- difficulty coping at school or with daily activities
- increased anxiety or withdrawal
Seek extra support if grief is affecting the child’s daily life, school, sleep, relationships or sense of safety.
Where to get support
You do not have to manage this alone.
Support may be available through:
- GPs or paediatricians, who can assess needs and refer you to other services
- school support staff, counsellors or psychologists
- grief counselling or bereavement services for children and families
- child psychologists or mental health professionals with experience in grief and trauma
- family support services that work with both children and caregivers
